We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
