I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
