Kiss
Puke
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
