im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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