there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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