dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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