would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
