i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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