im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
