Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
