someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
