This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
