my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
