STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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