I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
