In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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