Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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