hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
