Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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