Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
