Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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