tell your sister to shave her snatch
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
