I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
