Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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