big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
