I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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