where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
