where am i from again
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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