I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
