Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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