she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
