I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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