last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
