That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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