i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
