After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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