I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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