I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
