I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
