and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
