so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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