I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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