Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
