I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
