I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
They should really pass out barf bags in church
P.S. I can't hear my feet
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
