Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple

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(347): View more from New York

Leave Me Alone

(573): View more from Missouri

At least least me cry on your voice mail

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(309): View more from Illinois

i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

(309): View more from Illinois

so finals studying is going well?

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(217): View more from Illinois

The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left

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(859): View more from Kentucky

He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."

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(503): View more from Oregon

ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking

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(630): View more from Illinois

We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.

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(850): View more from Florida

but dude how did I get so drunk?

(1-850): View more from Florida

Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"

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(646): View more from New York

I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.

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