party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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