if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
