My room smells like vodka and shame
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
