Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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